Thought I'd take a break from misogyny for a little while and draw something maybe kind of a little bit funny, sort of. Except I did want to tell you about how I was on OkCupid the other day and I got a message from a guy whose username was a reference to a specific host segment from Mystery Science Theater 3000 and so I made a reference to that same host segment kind of like as a mating call? Because wow, this guy paid me a nice compliment (he said I had gorgeous eyes, I don't care if it's trite, because it happens that I do) and made it clear that he'd read my profile and if you've spent any time as a woman in the cesspit that is OkCupid you know that this rocketed him into like the top 5 percent of eligible men in that teeming hive of grotesquerie, and I was thinking perhaps I had found evidence of another human soul when, of course, he told me he was masturbating. I noped out of there so fast I think there was an audible crack when I closed the tab.
What are men? Is there anything in them you can communicate with? Or is it like those accounts in the Bible of people praying to idols, inventing elaborate rules for talking to something that doesn't exist? I kind of want to laugh about this but it's ten years too late for that, you know? Because I'm pushing forty and I'm lonely as hell, and single guys my age are carrying on like thirteen-year-olds who just found a Frederick's of Hollywood catalog.
In closing, I'd like to once again thank the boomers who raised most of my contemporaries for that awesome Sexual Revolution thing that saved all subsequent generations from the hell of intact families and conversations about anything other than dicks. Those must have bored the shit out of you guys back in the fifties and sixties! You know, during that leisure time I've heard about.