The Sorrows of Young Werewolf (eyeteeth) wrote,
The Sorrows of Young Werewolf

"Honey, have you seen my spider collection?"

Batty has started reading Dracula because I talk about it kind of a lot. I like Renfield best and think he may as well. OK, I like Renfield and Mina best. And Van Helsing. I love Van Helsing. And Jonathan's cool because all the other dudes in the book are pissing themselves over Lucy, but he's totally devoted to Mina and all pining for her in Castle Dracula. And she's all "I'm going to help you in business when we're married, check out my typewriter" and he's cool with that. Plus also in addition Quincey Morris is totally badass and all laconic like "Seems you Europe folks have some vampire trouble, let's git 'er done." And you can't dislike Lucy, she's such a sweetheart and she loves Mina almost as much as Jonathan does. BUT RENFIELD AND MINA AND VAN HELSING ARE TOTALLY THE BEST. I want to see them in some kind of reality TV show. Or a sitcom where Mina and Renfield are married and he's their weird neighbor.

EDIT: I just remembered that Renfield's like forty years older than Mina, though adaptations usually make him much younger because who wants to watch some crazy old guy? Even though like the point of Renfield is that death is snapping at his heels and he's terrified of dying and he can't shut that fear out with, like, work or love or filling his home with knickknacks or growing a huge beard the way sane Victorians do, because he lives in a private insane asylum and there's pretty much nothing in his life except talking to the administrator about his spider collection. Anyway, point is, in the book Renfield's I think fifty-nine years old, which was way up there in 1887 and makes his immense physical strength that much more impressive. So new idea, how about a sitcom where Renfield and Van Helsing are married and Mina's their normal neighbor? And she comes over sometimes to borrow a cup of sugar or whatever and they try to get her to settle an argument they're having about whether Renfield can get a cat, because Van Helsing's allergic, and Renfield's like we can get those HEPA air filters and if those don't work I'll eat the cat, OK? Don't even pretend you wouldn't watch that, you would watch the fuck out of that.
Tags: dracula, stix, theflieslikeittooandiliketheflies, vampires, van helsing
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