The Sorrows of Young Werewolf (eyeteeth) wrote,
The Sorrows of Young Werewolf


From the people who brought you The Round Persuasion and who are actually just one person, I. The first one is the one that gets me most. People who are not fat seem to have this bizarre notion that we just haven't noticed, that if we knew we were fat we would have made it stop by now. Like when you see someone with the tag still on his pants. Hey, there's a tag on your pants! And then he takes it off and acts embarrassed and we all go about our business. That must be what people who are not fat think will happen when they point out to us that we're fat, that we will act embarrassed and somehow cause our bodies to become inoffensive ON THE SPOT. Because otherwise DON'T WE KNOW THAT WE'LL DIE. IN THE NEXT FIVE MINUTES. I HAD AN AUNT ONCE WHO BECAME FAT AND FIVE MINUTES LATER SHE DIED. I'm told that people often do something similar, jocularly, when they see someone riding a unicycle: they tell you that half your bike is missing. I can't object to that because it is kind of funny. A popular way of dealing with this, evidently, to the extent that anything unicyclists do can be called popular, is to look down and act surprised. Jesus, who took the other wheel? I recommend that we of the round persuasion do the same. Jesus, who put this eighty pounds on my ass? How long has that been there? Wow, thanks for giving me that heads up!
Tags: fat, stix, unicycle
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