The Sorrows of Young Werewolf (eyeteeth) wrote,
The Sorrows of Young Werewolf

Driving the execution

The people this manuscript kills, get up and kill!

  • No new info, also tautological
  • Doesn’t explain, just restates the prev. sentence
  • Execute what, though?
  • Not sure what quality of a theme would consist of
  • "Impact" is not a verb
  • Do you mean some kind of display? You can’t take a picture of a promotion
  • Sounds as if the associates are answering their own questions
  • "Wal-Mart uses employee recognition as a way to recognize employees" is redundant
  • This quote is not from Shakespeare
  • What does "drive the execution" mean?
  • I don't understand this sentence. It doesn't seem to have a subject
  • This doesn't sound like going the extra yard
  • Implore means beg
  • Unclear how the popping sound led to improved appearance

My father is doing well. He can even regulate his own morphine intake at the touch of a button. I could sure use a piece of that action.

Total word count (revised): 14,036
Tags: bitter copy editor
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