The Sorrows of Young Werewolf (eyeteeth) wrote,
The Sorrows of Young Werewolf

The diverse needs of a very big fern

As anyone who knows me, however slightly, is aware, I copy-edit many books whose authors should be beaten savagely for the good of the nation. My Historical Dictionary of American Slang offers bone-polisher for someone who administers a flogging, and I am an advocate of this practice with regard to any number of people who force nouns into service as verbs, who spray ellipses over the page like piss, who feel that the sole purpose of language is to describe love at first sight between a beautiful, successful man and a beautiful, successful woman. As a rat longs for a Dorito, so I long to polish the bones of all those who latch on to a fancy word like "demesne" and use it every four pages.

That being said, there are two authors I hate worst of all, and I am editing one of them now. A.D.A. Dragondyre, that odious hack, has crapped out another five-hundred page insult to the concept of human communication, complete with botched French, endless descriptions of chess games, and three types of women: young beauties, useful matrons, and evil hags. Dragondyre's books all read like Tolkien fanfic written by an Objectivist with a brain injury, and he is more famous than I or anyone I know will ever be. If you happen to note that I am lacking my customary sunny disposition, this may be why.

When I'm editing a particularly horrible book I find that two things help. One is the justly famous Winnebago Man, who is not safe for work. On the other end of the spectrum is this picture of a newborn rat:

Pup 2

The rat pup is a still center. The rat pup wants me to be calm. Winnebago Man could have used a rat pup, I think.
Tags: a.d.a. dragondyre, bitter copy editor, photos, rats
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