The Sorrows of Young Werewolf (eyeteeth) wrote,
The Sorrows of Young Werewolf


According to my whim I like to declare moratoriums (which is the preferred plural according to Webster's Eleventh), but not on anything important like poverty or fascism. I like to declare moratoriums on things like jokes I have heard too many times. Obviously no one pays any attention to my dictates but the world would be a better place if people did, as I'm sure you'll agree upon viewing this representative sample of things on which I have declared a moratorium:

  • Any phrase of the formula "What happens in x stays in x."
  • Pants with words across the ass.
  • Kids on the train selling candy "because it's better than selling drugs." Perhaps I'm naive but I think that is a false dichotomy. However at least they are being comparatively honest now because they used to claim they were raising money for some school sports team.
  • Insulting T-shirts. Not just because every little bit of rudeness makes the world a slightly worse place, but also because they seem to challenge the notion that the purpose of language is to convey meaning. When your shirt says "I'm busy, you're ugly, have a nice day," then the assumption seems to be that every literate person who sees you is ugly. Do you seriously believe that? What happens when an attractive person reads your shirt? Because that is possible, isn't it? The truth value of a statement like this, when directed at anyone who happens to be looking at your torso, is so variable that the words effectively have no meaning at all, and yet there they are. Words with no meaning! It gives me the creeps even while it irritates me.
  • Dumb puns in news stories about animals ("udderly" if it's about cows, "purr-fect" if it's about cats, etc.).
  • Animated gifs of GIR from Invader Zim.
  • The explanation, in any fictional work, that a woman is good at a sport or sports because she grew up with x number of brothers.
  • TV screens vomiting advertising at me inside elevators, from atop subway entrances, and in the backs of taxicabs. These screens, like the pants with the words across the ass, are trying to force my eyes to go where I don't want them to, and I feel that I should be able to walk down the street without having to reenact the end of the first Indiana Jones movie.

See how much better the world would be if I got to decide who lives and who dies? I mean, if I got to decide what kinds of slogans go on T-shirts? Yes. I knew you would.
Tags: micromanaging your life, moratoriums
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